Hello beauties,
It feels like it was just two weeks ago since the last newsletter, but July already flew by and we’re back. The fact that this week is already August stresses us a little bit, not just because everything went by so quickly, but mostly because there’s still no song of the summer. Are we really going to let “Nothing beats a Jet2 holiday” be it?
Original video: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNdHFwc74/
With no summer anthem to unite us, the vibes are off, and the drama has to come from somewhere else. So the gods have reached down and spoken: someone must go.
The sacrifice of a CEO
Every once in a while, the universe demands a symbolic gesture to keep the mortals satiated. A ritual cleansing, a dramatic offering. And in the religion of late-stage capitalism, the gods occasionally demand the ultimate price: the public sacrifice of a CEO.
This month, that honour went to the man behind the Coldplay kiss cam scandal. In case you live under a rock (or have some puritanical relationship with social media), two loved-up hunnies got caught by the kiss cam at a Coldplay concert. Chris Martin, knowing damn well what a cheater looks like, clocked their reaction and quickly said, “they are either shy or having an affair”.
Two marriages ended, social media rejoiced, and the man stepped down from the company to “focus on family.”
But this isn’t new. Sometimes, the universe just picks a CEO and says: you are the chosen one.
Like when a group of billionaires decided to cosplay as Titanic explorers in a tin-can submarine and perished doing exactly what capitalism rewards: extreme wealth, risk, and complete detachment from reality. Or, not so long, the CEO of United Healthcare, who thrived making people very sick for the shareholder value met destiny at the hands of Luigi (allegedly).
We don’t root for tech failure (or death casualties), per se, we are not monsters. But it is interesting how rarely we see consequences for those in charge, unless the drama is so public, so messy, or so symbolic that a scapegoat must be offered up to preserve the illusion of accountability.
The CEOs always land on their feet (unless you know, they land in the afterlife). They do a Notes app apology, and a podcast six months later to be rebranded as “resilient leaders”. Men who break things don’t disappear, they just rebrand.
So yes, the CEO was sacrificed. But like all corporate martyrs, it’s never really about punishment, it’s about performance. The system remains exactly the same, just minus one man who got too sloppy at a Coldplay show.
Original video: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNdHDkkFR/
So next time a CEO is on the news for stepping down, remember: he didn’t fall. He was offered. And we, the girlies, accept. Though, we do have some radical suggestions for next year.
Original video: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNdHD8u82/
And while the public spectacle plays out, the background music remains the same: the quiet hum of the economy crumbling.
Recession indicators
If you know something about economics, like Ariadna, or if you’re just chronically online, like Viki, you’ll know what recession indicators are. These are somewhat cultural phenomena that can be (not very scientifically most times) attributed to times of economic turbulence. They’re basically the cultural signs that things are heading downhill, financially. Normally, experts look at the GDP or unemployment rates to measure a recession. But the girlies have better methods. It’s like girl math, but make it macroeconomics.
Last century, some people used the Hemline Index to find out if a crisis was coming. This index suggests there’s a correlation between skirt length and recession: the longer the skirts that are trending, the deeper the recession. Then in the early 2000s, they used the Lipstick Index, showing that when lipstick sales increase, it’s because the GDP is going down.
Now the internet has better indexes. We all know we’re in a recession, we all know everything is collapsing, so let’s keep pointing at indicators.
Original video: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNdHYJU9q/
It seems Labubus are clearly a recession indicator. But we have more, we can’t stop seeing them: Franz Ferdinand playing festivals again. Low-rise jeans being trendy. Victoria’s Secret shows and the comeback of anorexic barbie as a body standard, basically any model lifestyle fashion (cue Tyra Banks screaming at you to make better choices).
Original video: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNdHYjUF8/
But wait, there’s more. Recession signs keep piling up: Justin Bieber releasing a new album. Bad Gyal wearing push-up bras. Leonardo DiCaprio dating someone over 25. Superhero movies trying to seem more genuine and pretending to be hopeful (and not making rich the villains). And ultimately, Michael Buble.
Original video: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNdHDSAn6/
At the same time, we ask ourselves: have we ever lived in a time that wasn’t a recession? Are we maybe ourselves a recession indicator? Will this ever be over? Will capitalism ever collapse, or do we just have to wait until the world collapses and we all disappear?
We might be getting too deep now. But we’re just tired of being told we got over a crisis and that the economy is good again, when it’s not true. We’ve been in a crisis since 2008, so we believe everything is a recession indicator and nothing will ever be an economic boom indicator. This can no longer be a millennial curse, please somebody help us.
This month’s vibe was all about economics and corporate chaos. Hopefully that’s not your daily grind. But seriously, have you ever thought about life before LinkedIn? No endless motivational quotes, no weird stats, just people actually living.
Original video: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNdHDRnRH/
That’s it from us for now. This summer up here in northern Europe has been more grey drizzle than golden heatwave, and for us Mediterranean girls, trading sweat for rain jackets hits right in the soul, even if it’s not new. No sun, no summer anthem, no social justice wins, no fun… So we’re putting all our hopes on August to turn things around.
Enjoy the summer if it shows up, and the paid holidays if you get them.
Thanks for reading, as always.
Lots of love,
Two girlies and an overpowering algorithm
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